In Coron, Palawan

In the middle of my Palawan trip with friends, I found myself suddenly alone in a seaside restaurant by the hotel intent on occupying myself with Bill Bryson's rants about small-town America and a disappointing glass of fruit shake. Around me were foreigners who were alone, too, sipping their own fruit shakes, reading their own books and taking in the view of the sea, and I wondered about their reasons for being alone-- reasons which were probably very unlike mine. I struggled to blend in with these people and be unobtrusive and so I buried my nose deeper into my book, but I wondered about them. I thought about those who choose and are comfortable in their solitude, those who are in a strange land because their fear of the unfamiliar is thwarted by their irremediable desire to explore the new, and I realized that I cannot imagine myself in their shoes. Afterward, I went to the hotel's sun deck to lie on the hammock and read my book and it was lovely, but I knew that I cannot, all by myself, brave a new land and culture for the hammock. For now, at least.

Last Tango in Paris (1972)

Bertolucci is a genius. I wonder how one conjures something so powerful.




Paul: It's me again.
Jeanne: It's over.
Paul: That's right. It's over and then it begins again.
Jeanne: What begins again? I don't understand anything anymore.
Paul: There's nothing to understand. We left the apartment, and now we begin and love all the rest of it.
Jeanne: The rest of it?
Paul: Yeah, listen. I'm 45. I'm a widower. I own a little hotel. It's kind of a dump, but not completely a flop house. Then I used to live on my luck and I got married, and my wife killed herself.

Brothers and sisters

I rarely have anything good to say about myself but ask me about my siblings and I'm the most immodest person in the world.

Let's see.

My youngest brother Nico is in the top 15 percent of this year's ACET passers and was admitted into the economics honors program. But he never studies! All he ever does is watch re-runs of FRIENDS with me and sleep. When he starts college this coming school year, I doubt he'll change his study habits-- but I can bet you he'll top his every class.

My little sister MM is just brilliant. She's freakishly good in math (ask her classmates!), and writes amazingly well, too. This afternoon, she let me read a short story she recently wrote and I was in utter awe-- such profundity, such insight into the human condition! I remember, when she was just a freshman in high school, she was set apart from the rest of the student body and given the excellence in creative writing award. I remember feeling like the biggest person in the room the day of the awarding. I remember thinking, "My freshman sister writes better than all of you. Yes, you, seniors!" She later went on to snag the excellence in filmmaking award, too. Now that she's in college, taking the same course I did, her professors constantly describe her as brilliant. I completely agree.

My brother Alec, who came after me, breezed through college and got into St. Luke's College of Medicine on scholarship just as easily. I don't think I have ever seen him study or bring a bag to school in his four years in Ateneo. What he did, actually, was party incessantly, and yet he was consistently a dean's lister.

My older brother Alvin is a genius in math. When we were much younger, he used to compute inhumanly large sums in his head for a pastime, and he always, always gets them right. He never studied, and yet he aced all his math exams. He's an excellent artist too, and is the best sketcher I know. The best I know.

My oldest brother Carlo is as passionate about learning as he is smart. He speaks French, Latin, Italian, and Spanish fluently. He was number one in his course when he graduated. He's a walking encyclopedia, you can ask him about any subject. Come on, try.

What's even more amazing about my siblings is that they are as kind as they are talented and smart. They have the biggest hearts I know, you wouldn't believe it. I envy them, yes, and terribly so. Often, I wonder why they are so talented and smart while I am hopelessly normal. Most of the time, though, I am just filled to the brim with pride for them. God could not have chosen a better set of people to shower with brilliance. When you meet them, I'm certain you'll agree.